Observance

A young student sat at his desk, beaming as his teacher praised his perfect score in front of the rest of the class. But when the tests were handed back, he realized he had actually made a mistake and didn’t truly deserve his perfect grade. He debated with himself whether to tell the teacher or just let it go.       

His conscience won out, and after class, he told the teacher. She was so impressed with his honesty that she let him keep his A+. That evening he told his mother of the inner battle he faced once he realized the error. He was so proud of his perfect score that he was tempted to remain quiet.

But then he remembered, a few months earlier, riding with his mother as she drove back to the grocery store to return a few coins the clerk had overpaid her by mistake. Once he remembered his mother’s act of integrity, the battle was over, and his decision was made. (Azriel Winnett, “When ‘Everybody Does It!’ Comes Back to Haunt You,” hodu parenting podcast)

Insight

The way you live your life is the strongest sermon you will ever preach. No matter their age, our children tend to repeat our actions whether we like it or not, just as a mirror reflects our smallest detail. If we want to change what we see in the mirror, our efforts are best spent not on trying to change the mirror but on improving ourselves. It follows, then, that if we’d like our children to be more courteous, patient, or selfless, we must strive to make sure those qualities are clearly visible in our own lives.

Of course children make their own choices — some of which seem to have no clear origin in their heredity or their upbringing. But it’s also true that the best advantage a child could ever have is the loving example of a parent who — though imperfect — is honestly striving to model virtuous living.

Living a life of integrity means that we live truthfully. What we believe is reflected in who we are: how we think, act, and interact. It’s never too late to start, your children will look, listen and learn.

The Biblical account of Abraham, the father of the faithful, is a lesson in integrity. When Abraham and his nephew Lot left Egypt and returned to the land of Bethel, they had so many flocks, herds, and tents that it became difficult for their families to continue to live together. ( See Genesis 13:5–6) So Abraham invited Lot to look over the land and take whichever half he wanted. Lot chose the fertile eastern plains, leaving Abraham to settle the arid and less desirable land. ( See Genesis 13:7–11)

Abraham could have reneged on his offer, but he didn’t. He could have held a grudge or reprimanded Lot for his selfish choice. Instead, he demonstrated “integrity of heart.” He lived peaceably beside Lot for many years and even rescued him, his land, and possessions from marauding kings. (See Genesis 14:16)

Today we need that kind of integrity more than ever. It doesn’t mean that we let our children take advantage of us, but it does mean living truthfully invites deep trust, abiding love, and inner peace. It fuses right actions with pure motives. 

When we have integrity of heart, not only do we choose the right, but we choose it for the right reasons. We act out of love rather than outward appearance. We show our family or others the same courtesies and respect. We uphold sacred truths regardless of setting or circumstance.

That is not to say we won’t make mistakes and fall short. We all do. But people with integrity know that life is a process of growth. They find the humility to change, because they “[love] that which is right.” They strive with all their hearts to learn from shortcomings, ask forgiveness, and cleave to truth eternal, truth divine.

Someday someone may say to your children, “You’re just like your dad” or “just like your mom.” And if you’ve done your best to set a good example, it will be high praise indeed.

Southern Standard contributor Cordell Crawford can be contacted at crawfordcordell@yahoo.com.